i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want nice things and good sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
