hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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