i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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