I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
