Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
