Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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