he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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