we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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