Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
