I hate all girls vehemently.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
