3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
