Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
