I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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