Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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