He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
