He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
