Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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