6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
