I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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