That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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