living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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