you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
