dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
