I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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