Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My bed smells like the plague
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
