Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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