Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
