Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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