1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish you could order shots online.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
