It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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