also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
