My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
