My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
