I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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