At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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