Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
