So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
