I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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