It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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