i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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