The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
