Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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