i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are the jesus of drinking
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
