Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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