being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't turn off my feet"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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