It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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