You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
