he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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