i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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