I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
