i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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