they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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